I'm 33 today

It's no secret that I love my birthday. Every year I make sure to let people know its coming, I often have some plans for a fun day/night, I know what cake I want, etc.. I can honestly say that this year, this has not been the case. I literally have almost forgotten my birthday was even coming. Its hard when Adam's birthday, Brennan's birthday, Halloween, and my birthday, are all packed so close together. I want every event to be celebrated and each person to feel celebrated, but this year, I've been so focused on so many other things that my birthday has come without me even noticing. I'm not at all upset about this, normally I think I would be, just not this year.

It's just weird, its weird how today I'm 33 but it really doesn't feel like my birthday. How is it even November 9th already any way?! These past few months have.flown.by. and it has left me longing for a breather. Its a lot to move to another state, buy a house, try and make said house a home, start a business over (essentially from scratch), etc. I literally haven't had 2 seconds to just breath. This time of year is always busy, it just is, but things are going to settle down. Our house is more in order, business stuff is largely taken care of, fall photo season is coming to a close, and I feel like I can finally start to just be. This season of "calm" is going to be soo welcomed by me and I can't wait to actually have a few moments to sit and do nothing.

It was really fun having mom here, and talk about time flying by! When she left yesterday it really did feel like she just got here. B was of course really sad to see her go and kept saying "I miss Grandma" on and off all day long. Sigh. That's the hard thing about having company, they leave!! (thanks for coming mom, and come back!)

It's also been an interesting time b/c normally in the fall the new job postings for professors come out and Adam and I are anxious to see whats out there, where the possibilities are, etc... This year, (and I mean this with all of my heart), I literally couldn't care less. When Adam applies to a job I almost want to say "don't do it!!" I know the smart thing to do is to keep applying, having a job is important, benefits are important, security...well, that's debatable. :) I just feel so at peace here. I love Texas, but more than that I love the feeling of being home. I don't want to look for another home, or do another move, or go to that "perfect job." I've learned a lot through this journey of getting the Phd, doing the post-doc, looking for a job, being one of two for a job, not getting the job, the despair, the anger, the disappointment, etc... but the thing I am continuing to learn and keep coming back to is to trust. I know the Lord wants good things for me, and the things that I think are good, He knows better, He knows that's not always the case. I take a lot of comfort in that. I learn the trust lesson over and over, its one I will continue to learn until the day I die. It's funny, something that I would've killed for 2 years ago I don't even want any more. Isn't it funny how our circumstances change our perspective? Don't get me wrong, I'd love more security, I'd love a steady paycheck, I'd love to have great benefits and be able to go to the doctor without the stress of how much its going to cost, etc. I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm at total peace and I've got this whole uncertainty thing figured out because I don't, not even a little. But what I do have is faith in a God who knows the hairs on my head, and I trust that He will complete the work He's started in me. Ahh, the journey of life and faith, its a wild one, y'all. I'm 33 today, I don't have it all figured out, I don't know what next year holds, where we'll live, what our circumstances will be, but what I do know is that I will continue on my journey of faith and trust because He is faithful and trustworthy. I do love my birthday. xo

b/c blog posts w/out pictures are lame, here is a photo of Brennan's birthday party cake (since I clearly don't have a photo of my own cake yet...and truth be told I'm a little caked out and asked my friend Kellye to make me brownies instead) and you can head on over here to check out my latest newborn session.