August 28, 2012

parenthood is not for the weary

Being a parent is a lot of things. One "saying" that has really stuck out to me over the nearly 6 years of being a mom is the one that says something like "being a mother is like having your heart walk around outside of your body." Until you are a parent its really something you can't truly understand. With that said, it comes with moments where you feel so out of control and helpless and would give anything to rewind the clock and not allow for painful moments to occur. Last night was one of those for me. Brennan was just getting out of the bath and into her pjs, bedtime was so close. Our sweet neighbors stopped by just to say "hi" and chat for a few minutes on the porch. Brennan came out to join in the fun and she and her friend, Patriot were walking along our wide porch railings just being kids. My friend Kelly and I stepped inside for a moment so I could show her something, the dads and kids were still on the porch. I start to hear Brennan cry so I open the door and come onto the porch, Adam has her in his arms and she's crying saying she fell. I take her inside and upstairs to survey the damage. She slipped off the railing and landed on her...girl parts (for lack of a better way to say it). There was blood in her underwear and as I peeled them off to get a better look I felt so incompetent to know if she was truly okay. I cleaned her up the best I could and off to the ER we went. Its amazing how in just a split second things can go from fine to not fine by a mile. Thankfully it was one of the quickest ER visits I've ever had (probably the quickest) and after her getting examined and them stopping the bleeding, they deduced rather than put her through the trauma of repair that we could watch it closely and go home. PRAISE THE LORD. If you've been following my blog for any length of time then you already know my poor girl has recurring UTI's and has to have invasive testing done every year to see if her situation is improving. Needless to say, there is already way too much going on "down there" and to add one more thing is just about all I can handle. Its amazing how you would do anything for your child, last night I was praying fervently for my sweet girl and I was so thankful I could cry out to the one who loves her more than I do. I honestly don't know how people do life without Jesus. In church on Sunday we sang the words "I can face tomorrow just because He lives." Sometimes that's the only way, just the mere knowing. Today I let B sleep in, we spent some time snuggling and watching cartoons before we made our late entrance to school. She seemed fine and in good spirits, I implored her not to do anything too wild at school today that could cause further damage. And off she went, with my heart, outside of my body. xo


Anonymous said...

Oh poor B, I am glad she ok .. I can feel the pure love you have for your daughter coming through this post it is beautiful :).


Robin said...

Oh Molly. Words can't express how sad it is to see your child hurt. But your words come closest to sharing that depth of feeling. It comes home to me so often that our Father watched his son take on all sin, groaning under the painful burden.... then turned his back until it was finished.... just so we could be free to 'face tomorrow'. Love you!

Anonymous said...

How true! And it will hold true for the remainder of your life. It makes me so sad to think about B in pain - grandma's also have their "hearts outside of their bodies" -and I will be praying a complete and quick recovery! Please give her a big hug for me.

grandma kemi

PS The song you quoted has always held a special place in my heart.

Anonymous said...

Poor B! I'm glad she's ok, Give her a big squeeze from Aunt Steph! Hugs to you, Mol!

Love you -

Anonymous said...

Amen to everything you have said and felt. Praise the Lord for caring for all of you, short visit to E.R. and healing touch...answer to all of our prayers. I'm so thankful little B is ok. I love you all so much.
Mom (doggie Grandma)

{four kings} said...

Sending positive thoughts your way! Lots of hugs!!!


Annie Stone said...

Brings tears to my eyes. Stings just to read it. Where is the Steve Jobs of child protective gear? The cushioned suits for children and armored heart protectors for parents? Geeze! I love you Molly.


Jen said...

I am tearing up too, reading this. I am so sorry for B, and for you, to go through this. It's heart-wrenching. :( I'm so glad she's on the mend, and ultimately, glad that you do love and trust Jesus, and know he loves B more than you. I agree, I don't know how one goes through life without Him.

Love you!

Kelly said...

Oh, poor B! When I was about her age, maybe a year older, I was riding a bike and hurt a curb hard. So hard, that I fell down and slammed my 'girl parts' in the bar of the bike. Ouch! I healed, and fortunately B will too, but goodness, I can only imagine how scary that was to inspect and wait to hear from the doctors.

Speedy healing (and comfort!) for B!