February 24, 2014

A New Chapter

I've often written and re-written this blog post over and over again in my mind over the past 8 years. I've wondered what I would title it, what words I would use to express the magnitude of my feelings so they would be portrayed accurately, etc. What it all boils down to is this:

HE GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In typical Winn fashion you know there has to be a story! Adam had his cell with him all day Friday as we were told we would likely be hearing some news that day. I asked Adam if he wanted to come with me to pick up B from school (a literal 3 minute drive from our house), he said "sure" and off we went. As we were down the street I said "you have your phone with you, right?" To which he replied "Nah, I didn't want to just sit and wait by it, its fine." To which I replied "Do you care that your wife WANTS YOU TO SIT AND WAIT BY IT?!!" Ay yi yi. To be fair, picking B up from school is a process that takes just minutes but still -when you've been waiting EIGHT YEARS for a phone call that's never come, you think you'd just bring the phone incase -RIGHT?! Well, in typical Winn fashion, we get home 15 minutes from when we left the house to discover that not only has Adam missed a phone call on his cell but our land line as well...2 missed calls from APU. DOH!!! I explained to Adam that I was trying REALLY hard to not be mad at him right then and that he better call back ASAP! He called back....no answer. He emailed his friend who is also on the board who made the decision and just explained he'd missed 2 calls, did he happen to know if the calls were regarding the position to which his friend replied with one word: unanimous. And just.like.that. we had our answer. I didn't believe it though, I wanted the department chair to audibly say to Adam "It's yours." He checked his email and saw that the department chair and emailed him, explained she had tried to call twice and asked that he please call her as soon as he could. Adam called, I sat in our bedroom and waited. I could hear Adam on the phone and the words "This might be the best phone call I've ever received" came out of his mouth and then, tears streamed out of my eyes. I just sat on our bed and sobbed uncontrollably. The 8 years of trying, waiting, praying, hoping, finally came to fruition in one phone call. I honestly don't know if I've ever wanted something so badly in my life. 14 years ago my husband started on a journey that lead to this day, 2 years of a masters degree, 4 and a half years of a PhD, a year long post-doc in Ireland, teaching for 6 schools simultaneously just to pay the bills all the while never giving up on the goal. Editing, publishing, interviewing, being told no for 8 years, to finally receive 1 yes. I've often asked Adam over the years if he knew how hard and long and draining this process would be, if he would still do it all over again? His answer "I don't know what else I would do, this is what I'm supposed to do, so...yes." And there it is.

As much as I thought about what I would say if Adam got the job, I've thought about what I would say if he didn't, and it comes down to this: If he's not Lord of all, he's not Lord at all. As much as I have disdain for cheesy Christian-ese, if Jesus isn't who he says he is all the time, he's not any of the time. He either has it all under control or he has none of it under control. God would still be good if Adam didn't get the job, he would still have a plan for us, he would still be faithful and that is what I keep reminding myself. This process isn't a "done deal" - Adam still has to interview with the president, he still has a contract to sign, this journey is not technically over. If for some reason it doesn't come to fruition I need to be reminded of what I know to be true -He's Lord of all, all the time and he never changes. He still sees me, I am not ever forgotten. "I will not forget you, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands." [Isaiah 49:16]

Thank you to each one of you who has checked in over the years to watch this story unfold, thank you for each prayer, for each text, email, phone call, etc. to express your care and love for us, thank you for investing in this process and loving us through it, it has meant a lot. It's been quite a journey...no? :) I'm thankful for a new chapter, I'm ready to start the new journey..... back home in California. xo


Katie said...

I still have chills!!! I can't tell you how excited I am about this, and to read about your story and your faith through it all makes it that much more wonderful. Yay for special friends, you Winns!! I am picturing years ahead of us, doing life together!

Robin said...

We rejoice with you, Molly! Truly. And thanks for the reminder that your wouldn't be forgotten even if the answer was no. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of all lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

Anonymous said...

CONGRATULATIONS! Soooooo Happy for you Adam and B!! May the next Chapter begin!


Anonymous said...

I'm so happy & excited for you!! As much as you've enjoyed living in Texas, I know how much you LOVE Cali. and I see that as your home. Yay, Go ADAM!!!
Can't wait to celebrate with you next month!!!

Anonymous said...

I want to laugh and cry each time I read this, and my heart almost bursts with gratitude and thankfulness. Your dad and I are so happy and excited for you, Adam and Brennan and can't wait to come visit you in Cali!!!

Carrie Schlafmann said...

OH Molly!! You guys were on my mind this morning and I offered up a prayer for your "what's next" then decided I should log in and just see if you'd posted anything. I am SO SO thrilled for you (& Adam!). Your perseverance and patience has been so inspiring and the story of Adam getting the job is perfect. It brings tears to my eyes :) So so happy for you!!

Kelly said...

Tears are streaming down my face as I finish reading this, knowing your heart and the joy it feels right now after staying faithful and trusting - even in the midst of hurt and frustration - all these years.

God is good. I could not be happier for you both.

inge said...

Many congratulations good luck on your new journey