February 14, 2014

Happy Day of Love

Happy Valentine's Day, all! I do love valentines day, and the older I get and watch how much B enjoys it -makes it even better. A couple days ago we were working on her valentine box for school and addressing her valentines to her classmates and she said "I just love Valentine's day" -I hope she always feels that way. :) Today is one of my mi casa darlings birthday -he is just the sweetest thing ever so it only makes sense he was born today! Another one of my mi casa kiddos texted me last night  -it was a photo of an engagement ring, he is proposing to his girlfriend (who has become part of our mi casa this past year) -I can't wait to hear all about it! Ah, sweet, young love. :)

Well, as promised here is the update on our life here in limbo land -we found out last week that our Texas option is no longer. Deep sigh. The job that was "available" due to someone retiring -the department has decided not to fill. Its so crazy how quickly Adam and I have had to adjust our thinking, our hopes, our desires, our "plans" (yeah right -like we have any say in those!), what our future might look like, etc. It was kinda interesting b/c I think for a while there we thought Texas might be the last place we called home, and then within seconds -it was quickly onto the "next thing." But its also interesting how the Lord changes our hearts and hopes, and not out of desperation but just his subtle way of saying "you think you know what you want...but you really don't." I've seen him do this in my life in many ways, and its always neat to see how he quietly moves within me and stirs me up, sometimes I don't even know its happening until way after the fact. So, here we are, at the end of the line, the 11th hour, with 1 option. I was saying to a friend the other day that I even though I thought I wanted Adam to have a choice, and for him to be able to tell some place "no" after all.this.time. that really, I wanted the choice to be clear. And now here we are, with no choice but with one option. As much as I hate this process (I rarely use the "h" word but I've gotten to the point over the last 8 years where there really is no other word) I do find the process to be that much more bearable when I am waiting with hope. On the flip side, the end result can be that much harder, that much more disappointing and devastating. It really is a double edged sword. I feel a bit emotional this go around, I haven't fallen apart yet but I also can feel how imminent it is this time. Even if things go "our way" I think I might still have that moment from shear exhaustion and built up emotions for the past 8 years of how truly hard and draining this process has been. I was telling Adam yesterday that I've been able to rally and "get back on the horse" so many times but I think I'm at the point where I don't think I can do it any more. I feel like I'm screaming "I'm tapping out, Lord -I'm out!!" Adam admitted, he's there too. Its a scary place to be in some regards and maybe a bit freeing in others? I'm not sure yet. We keep saying "we can table this conversation for another week or so" -b/c really, it might all be for not, but we're also realistic and jaded, and know this process is anything but fair so, living in reality is important here. I'm trying to live each day and not think too far ahead just yet, but this is a daunting time for us in a new way this year. I'm hopeful next week will be one of answers and new beginnings, praying hard for that.

Today is going to be a busy one, I haven't been to the store in ages so I need to do that. I'm hosting my friend's baby shower here tomorrow so need to do some cleaning and re-arranging of things to get ready, and we're going on a double date! Since we really celebrated Valentine's day last weekend, some friends asked if we wanted to join them for a night out and we said "Sure!" B is playing at a friend's house tonight (where our friend graciously offered to watch the kiddos) so it should be a fun night out! Tomorrow one of our mi casa kiddo's boyfriend will be in town so he gets to "meet the parents" -poor guy! ;) We gotta size him up and make sure he's worthy and all that! :) Then we have the shower, B has a birthday party, and then we're headed over to our friend's for pizza night! (my friend Anna makes the yummiest pizza and cooks it in her outdoor pizza oven -so fun!). Church on Sunday, and then the "Love Love" Feast (for V-day and all) at church Sunday night. That's all the haps around here! Hope you all have a great Valentine's Day and feel extra loved! Happy weekend! xo

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Happy, Happy Valentine's day to you and Adam and B!
Thank you for sharing your heart and faith - God is good - ALWAYS -as you have said many, many times.
I love you so much,
Mom

Kemi Winn said...

Yes, Happy Valentine's Day to you Adam and B!

Reading your post was such a good reminder of God's kindness to us by gently realigning our hearts with his plans. This verse jumped out at me yesterday and is my prayer for you as you "wait in hope". "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Hugs and love,
Kemi