August 18, 2014

that was hard

Its been a pretty busy time over here, we've been out and about a lot visiting with friends, taking B to explore LA, spending our evenings with our neighbors, etc.. We've been intentional about using these 2 weeks to really do things that are going to be harder to do once real life starts. Well, real life started today, and thus begins the "new normal." I just got back from dropping B off at school, that was really really hard. I thought the first day of kindergarten would be the hardest drop off, I was wrong. Typically Adam always comes to B's first day and our family of 3 does it together, well, today was Adam's first day of orientation which began at 8am so he couldn't make it  - I needed him. On the way to school I got a text from one of B's friend's from school in Waco (well, from her grandma, not from her) and it was a photo of Brennan's best friend and her other really good friend from school on their first day, I think it may have been a mistake to show B but I also felt like I was supposed to. It ripped my heart out seeing her 2 school friends in their uniforms on the first day, B should be with them smiling away and with no cares in the world, but instead she handed my phone back to me, with a hurting look on her face and I fought back the tears as I said "It looks like Alice got a haircut!" And B said "and a new backpack."

I hated the way B's new school did the first day, we hadn't met B's teacher and all the students are looking for a sign with the teacher's name on it and it was total chaos. We had the hardest time finding her teacher and it just felt awkward to not have a proper introduction. I went with B to her class (along with the whole herd of parents/students, etc.) and they had B sitting at a table with 2 boys and 1 girl but the girl wasn't there! I kept praying she would show up, how hard to not even have a girl at her table!! I knew I had to leave quickly b/c I could feel the tears coming and I didn't want to break down in her classroom. I kissed her on the cheek, told her I loved her and literally ran to my car where I collapsed into tears as soon as I got in. That was hard. I know kids are resilient, I know in a matter of time this will seem so silly and like a distant memory, but today, in this moment, I feel like I just left my heart in a strange place and walked away, and it kills me. I hate moving.

Yesterday we tried a new church, and it was just plain awful. I know we won't be able to replace UBC and I had no illusions coming here that we would, but I was reminded yesterday of just how unique UBC is and how that community was one of a kind. All 3 of us walked out discouraged and B said "I know where the perfect church for us is, in Waco." I agree, B, I miss it too. I hate moving.

Sorry, for not blogging for a while this post is a big downer, but I'm admittedly not in the best mental/emotional place at the moment...I'll get better, it will just take time.

I took photos of my loves on their first day, can't wait to have them both home and hear how everything went...big day of firsts in the Winn household today! Thanks for checking in, all, prayers for my girl today are more than appreciated. xo

 
 
 
 
 
 

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, so excited for one and so sad for the other. I'm believing Brennan will come home today with a smile on her face and looking forward to tomorrow!!! Will be praying for ALL of you:)
I love you,
Mom

Anonymous said...

So sad! I hope B makes lots of new friends today and can't wait to go back! YAY for Adam!!
Hugs to you Mol, love you!

xo
Rodent

DeniseMarie said...

:( This makes me so sad. I'm praying for B today but also for you--that the day goes quickly until you're all reunited, and that once you are there are many stories to share of happy surprises that happened while you were apart. Specifically that B made a friend and is excited about tomorrow! xoxo

Carrie Schlafmann said...

Can totally relate to hating moving, missing everything good about "home" and the misery of church shopping. UGH! Hoping B had a good day at school today and that your spirits will be lifted :)

Kemi Winn said...

Yes, moving is painful and moving with kids is even more painful. Praying!