March 23, 2016

I want an oompa loompa now daddy

Anyone who has seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory knows this line, Veruca Salt says this to her dad in the whiniest, most obnoxious, spoiled, entitled way "I want an oompa loompa now daddy!" Adam and I often say this to each other and we say it to Brennan and Brennan says it to us - all in good fun when we want something that we know we don't deserve, or when we want something that's coming to us but we want it NOW. Its an on-going joke in our little family but we all know what it means in the moment and it renders a good laugh or some understanding of how hard it is to wait. I HATE WAITING. I am in a season of my life where I'm waiting...for several things...and I hate it, like HATE it. I've spent some good time talking about waiting on this here blog, its something I've struggled with for as long as I can recall and the deeper into my walk with the Lord I get, I don't find that it gets much easier (insert cringy crying emoji). I've been very intentional about trying to wait better (whatever that means!) and I try to give my frustrations over to the Lord for him to deal with, that does help some I guess. I'm reading a book right now with some good stuff, [I'd rather not give the name of the book b/c it implies something that leads to questions I can't answer on this public forum but if you know me personally and want to know, you can shoot me an email and I'll pass along the info]. Anyhoo - I read something today that stopped me dead in my tracks, and as with anything that I find helpful/interesting/of value to me and thus maybe to someone else I share it here. It said : "The work that God does in us when we wait is usually more important than the thing for which we wait!" DOH. Right?! I'm waiting for several things in my life, some exciting and hopeful things, some hard and kind of icky things but I find this relevant with all my waiting. As much as I hate limbo and the in between, its so crazy to realize that even when those "things" come to fruition, this process is/can be the "meat" if you will. Sigh.

Its no secret that God uses bad to bring about good -that's all over the Bible so clearly that's no revelation and as I've discussed many times this past year+ good things come from pain, but another line from my book that "got me" today was: "I've had to conclude that God would not allow spear throwers into my life if He did not intend that their arrows bear fruit in my life." UGHHHHH, its so hard, and I don't like hard! But is sooooooooooooo (unfortunately -insert cringy face) true! [Btw the definition of a "spear thrower" is someone who lives by their own set of rules, who has a manipulative and divisive spirit, displays acute insecurity and jealousy, etc...]. I'm sure we either all have someone like this in our life or at the very least we know of someone like this. Man, the process of refinement is so.dang.hard. and it wears me out sometimes. I hope this doesn't come across as self-righteous, I'm a disaster in my own right so this isn't me being judge-y - "look at these messed up people I have to deal with that only make me better." That's SO not my point, my point is simply that we all have things/people/issues in our life that are hard and (maybe) don't appear to be going anywhere, and our job is to figure out how to respond the right way in the midst of this reality and to be "better." Not a self-righteous better, but better as in a better person, choosing the high road when it would be so easy not to b/c God is using whatever ___X____ scenario is in my/your life to bring about fruit (ie growth, maturity, good things we can pass on to others, etc.). Sometimes I can't stand the reminder of what I already know to be true but its too good not to share, ya know? I know God is making me better, its come through a lot of pain and heartache and betrayal and things I would never want to experience if given the choice, but who of us would choose hard things?! But how many of us have benefited from hard things? Sigh. DARN IT, right?! I was telling someone recently that I'm not the same person I was a year and a half ago, I've changed...(I mean, please, I'm the same...I feel like I've hardly changed since jr high), but I mean, I've changed in that I know I'm better than I was in a few ways, a few big ways. They might not be apparent on the outside (I'm mainly referring to my heart), but I can feel them on the inside -and that's something, that's God-work. God-work is hard, refining, drag -you-through-the-mud work, but coming out on the other side brings good life-giving things. Keep in mind that your process might in fact be "the thing." Keep on keepin' on. xo


Kemi Winn said...

Thanks for sharing this, Molly. Knowing that God is peforming some of his mos important work in us while are waiting is a great encouragement! That book sounds like one I should read.

Robin said...

I love your heart, Molly.

Carrie Schlafmann said...

This sounds very much like a conversation I recently had with my mom ... talking about how we weren't sure why, but clearly God thought we needed some continued friction in our lives and that maybe we needed to focus on learning what he wanted us to from the situation instead of just trying to move beyond it. SO hard!