Well, since my last blog post I've read 3 more books. I've fallen into a bit of a new rhythm in this phase of life, I've been working, not a ton but more and have another wedding I'm shooting this Saturday (and I was supposed to be in LA this weekend for my dear friend's 40th birthday party, hate to miss - Love you, Ems!). Things with the house are slow as molasses but we are CLOSE to FINALLY breaking ground. Brennan is doing well in 4th grade and won her first volleyball game last week! I've been waiting nearly 10 years for my girl to play volleyball and I am LOVING it! Adam is getting into the swing of his new job/commute and we're all settling into a new normal around here.
As always, God continues to work on my heart and mold me into the person He wants me to be. For 2ish years now I have been a voracious reader, reading anything that I feel will enlighten me, encourage me, inspire me, remind me of the truth, challenge me, help to make me better- more like Jesus, and to bring purpose/understanding to my pain. We all have deep wounds we bring to the table, no one in this life is unscathed, that's the human experience and a common thread that ties us all together regardless of our circumstance.
I recently read the book "Unreasonable Hope" by Chad Veach. In all honesty, I wasn't too interested in reading this book. Chad and his wife moved from Washington to Los Angeles to start a church about a year ago. Due to the internet I knew a bit about Chad and his family, I knew his daughter had a life threatening illness, I knew he was a "big shot" pastor in that he can be found hanging out with celebrities and he and his wife always looks like they just walked out of a photo shoot. This isn't meant to sound derogatory, I'm sure they're amazing people who I'd love to know personally, there just wasn't anything in particular that made me want/eager to read his book. (*sidenote: Adam, B and I attended his church in LA one Sunday, and although they are doing an amazing thing in LA, it just wasn't for us, so we did have a personal encounter as well). Anyhoo -sorry, that was a long paragraph to not say much. Okay, so, this book was an honest look at a dad's heart who longs and believes for his sick daughter to be healed. What eventually made me decide to read this book was I couldn't shake the cover, it reads: "Unreasonable Hope: Finding faith in the God who brings purpose to your pain." In a season where I've been longing and crying out for God to bring purpose to my pain, I couldn't not read it, it was too enticing and that tagline is what I've been so thirsty for. There were many "nuggets" here and there throughout the book, and in line with most books I've been reading, it reminded me of what I know to be true about God. My "take away" from the book was the distinction that Chad makes between having faith in God and having hope. "You have so much faith in who I am and what I can do, but you have no hope for your situation." (pg. 177) This isn't a new concept for me per se, I know there have been times in my life where I prayed to God for something, believing He heard me and I had faith He cared, but I know I had little hope that He would "do" what I was asking of Him because it just seemed too impossible (and of course we're actually supposed to pray believing). In one large area of my life to which I'm referring -He answered my years and years worth of prayers despite my unbelief/hope. Man, I'm thankful the Lord works in spite of us! So, this book didn't necessarily enlighten me to a new concept per se but it reminded me that there is a distinct difference between having faith and having hope -and even if your hope is unreasonable, God can do the unreasonable. There is currently an area of my life that I have little hope of getting fully healed, it just seems so unlikely on this side of heaven, and I'm learning to (in some ways) be okay with that because, life does indeed go on, but I appreciated Chad's reminder that I still need to live with hope that it can be healed, because God can do that, He can, even if He doesn't. Big sigh....Amen. xo