February 27, 2017

life lately

I go through times of feeling like I have so much to say and then times of feeling like a broken record. Sometimes it feels self-indulgent to chitty chat about my life and I never want to come across that way but then, on the other hand, isn't that somewhat the purpose of a personal blog? To write about your life? Its a tricky balance I think. Not too much has been going on aside from every day life stuff. This weekend was good, busy, but good-busy. Friday I made real dinner (which is something I haven't done too much of since we moved back to Waco) and had friends over to eat with us. I've really missed entertaining and look forward to that being a weekly thing again. It was so nice to sit around a table with good food and good friends and chat the night away. Our pastor's sister and family moved to Waco this past summer and they are 2 blocks down the road and their daughter is one of B's best friends and she is kinda my second daughter now! She is here quite a bit which is so fun and she will randomly tell me she's spending the night, its so funny, so she had a sleepover on Friday night and spent a large part of Saturday here too -fun. I drove out to the country to visit my friend in her pretty farmhouse and later that evening Adam, B and I drove (back) to the country for the best bbq in all the lands. We we met up with our friends after to hang out and chat the night away, so fun. Sunday was church, then I had to run some errands in preparation for my friend's baby shower Sunday afternoon that I helped to host. It was such a fun party celebrating my friend and her new son. Then I came home, took a quick nap and we dropped B off at a friend's house while the 2 of us went to our friend's for an Oscar Party. So fun to eat yummy snacks and drink campaign with friends. Whew! I love these types of weekends but it always makes Monday come too soon! After I picked B up from school today we drove by our house and they are just starting to frame the roof! Hooray! I'm SO ready to get the roof on so the weather is no longer such a thing. We've been told July is the month it should be done so I'm pretty pumped that March is almost here and we're that much closer!

In other randomness I'm currently in a Bible study and a book club (although the book club is pretty much a Christian book club so it kinda feels like a Bible study too). Anyhoo, the books we're reading are good so I thought I'd share, I'm a big fan of Ann Lamott (which if you read my blog regularly you already know) but her book "Stitches" is worth the read. Its more of an essay of short stories with good balm for your soul. I find myself resonating so much with some of her experiences and I just love her candidness and the way she words things. Barbara Brown Taylor is also becoming another favorite, I'm currently on my third (I think?) book of hers and she is such an amazing writer with such humanizing profound things to say. I'm currently reading her book "Leaving Church" and have highlighted many things. In the chapter I just finished I underlined this: "We spend most of our lives sitting in traffic, paying bills, and being irritated with one another. Yet every week we are invited to stop all of that for one hour at least. We are invited to participate in a great drama that has been going on without us for thousands of years, and one that will go on as long as there is a single player left standing." I love that, and it resonates in my soul. I love that I get to participate in life with women who want to spend time reading and reflecting on these things, they make me a better person and we love each other well because of the time we spend doing this each week. I'm learning so much about the value that comes with reflection and inviting people in to the dark corners of our lives, its so so good and so necessary. I think that's all the haps around here, thanks for checking in, always appreciated! xo

February 15, 2017

Stars

The other day I was driving in my car and the lyrics "If you can calm the raging sea, you can calm the storm in me" stopped me dead in my tracks. I couldn't shake that imagery. As a girl who grew up in church and has heard the story of Jesus walking on water and calming the seas a million times this picture was so tangible to me. I, like most breathing people walking the planet have gone through some stuff, not near to the depths that many in this world have, but for me, some stuff. I, like most breathing, God-fearing people in this world have wondered "why me?" or "why this particular battle" here and there, that's fair, right? But what I've seen time and time again is that God calms the storm in me, and with time (sometimes a lot of time) brings peace, and maybe if I'm lucky, some understanding too. For the last several years I've been on a journey (which I've alluded to/discussed here numerous times) and I never thought I would come to a place where I'd say "If I could go back and just do the quick, easy fix I wouldn't do it" but that's where I've finally arrived. Don't get me wrong, that would be the easy, less painful, make everyone happy route, but I genuinely don't think it would be the best thing, or even dare I say, the right thing. What I've learned on this journey is that God can calm the storm in me, if I let Him, if I invite Him into the pain and the process and let Him do His work. There is value in that, it likely isn't ever going to be the easy road, or the quick road, or the make everybody happy road, but that's okay, as I've said many times before, I believe God is more interested in our character than our happiness. I also believe this route, in my particular story, paves the way for more healing, truer healing, even if it never comes, the door is wide, wide open. xo


Stars
You spoke a word and life began
Told oceans where to start and where to end
You set in motion time and space
But still you come and you call to me by name
Still you come and you call to me by name

If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars

The deepest depths, the darkest nights
Can't separate, can't keep me from your sight
I get so lost, forget my way
But still you love and you don't forget my name

If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
If you can calm the raging sea
You can calm the storm in me
You're never too far away
You never show up too late
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars

Your love has called my name
What do I have to fear?
What do I have to fear?
Your love has called my name
What do I have to fear?
What do I have to fear?

If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
(Lifting up my heart)
If you can calm the raging sea
You can calm the storm in me
You're never too far away
You never show up too late
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars

You're the one who holds the stars

~Skillet

February 9, 2017

crazytown + enneagram workshop

After my last post things went south...quickly. I won't go into all the ins and outs of this past week and a half that have been an utter train wreck but I will say it involved a major plumbing fiasco, staying somewhere else for a couple nights, a medical procedure, the death of a beloved pet, a lot of physical pain, numerous contractors, budget issues, etc etc. etc. Last year had a really rough start and I'm realizing the same thing about this year, I'm hopeful this year will start an upward trajectory soon but man, its been a doozy up to this point. Big sigh. Life...sometimes it just hits you smack in the face!

On a different note, I had the opportunity to attend an all day enneagram workshop at Baylor this week (taught by Joe & Suzanne Stabile). The workshop didn't delve into a lot of what I was hoping for but it still had some good information nonetheless. Here are some nuggets from the notes I took:

*You can learn from the past, you can't discern from the past

*maturity is holding the past, present and future at one time

*we have to discover Christianity as a way of life, not beliefs

*an open heart + pure intentions = holiness

*good discernment is never done in a vacuum

*what God is doing is none of your business

That last one caused me pause, I know God's ways are higher than mine (understatement) and that we don't get the inside scoop on what He's up to but I'm not sure its ever occurred to me that its none of my business. Hmmmm. I guess its not. But I sure would like to know! :) Going into the workshop I was hopeful to hear more about specific numbers and how they apply to others, etc. and although there wasn't a ton of that, there was some of that. As I think I've previously mentioned the enneagram is a personality assessment of sorts, basically each person is a 1-9 based on their personality and there are numbers they "go to" when they are healthy or unhealthy and based on this information it can help you can better understand/deal with yourself and others the more information you have. I've had many "aha" moments as I read books on the enneagram, go to workshops, etc. Lots of eye opening stuff there if you're interested in just bettering yourself and seeking to better understand others. I love that as I'm getting older I'm learning more about why things affect me the way they do, ie why something that someone did hurt me so badly or why I felt so strongly about X, etc. Its so eye opening to learn things about yourself and to put some awareness to things you might not have known. AND, to know you're not alone in it! At the workshop they didn't go through and ask each person what their number was but at one point they asked all the 9's to raise their hands (and there were only like 3 in the whole room and there were about 80 people there (rough guess), and at one point they asked all the 8's to raise their hands (and there were also, only a handful). I'm an 8 (if anyone is wondering :) and Adam is a 9 so it was so interesting to see how in a large-ish group, there were only a few of us. Hmmmmmm. What I also found intriguing (that I admittedly know virtually nothing about) is that each number has a spot on a "triad" where it deals w/ certain parts of the body, like certain numbers are associated w/ the head, some with the heart, and some with the gut. Apparently 8's are "in" (for lack of a better word) their gut and I had someone tell me the night before the workshop that most 8's they know have some form of stomach-issue type stuff. Or maybe a better way to say it is, the friends she has with stomach issues are also an 8 on the enneagram. At the workshop the speaker at one point said based on research that 8's are among the numbers most likely to have eating problem/issues, etc. and all my friends at the workshop instantly looked at me! I'm an 8 and I've had digestive issues for 20 years -so crazy! Obviously this isn't across the board, and I'm doing a drastic disservice by writing about this when I have such minimal information/understanding at this point but it was super intriguing/interesting to me. Things that make you go "hmmmm." I look forward to learning more and understanding myself/others better.

Sorry, that was some randomness but its also what's been going on over here/with me. I have more dr appointments this month, hoping for some clarity/healing but am thankful for a new day and that I get to live this life. Thanks for checking in, all. xo