April 20, 2017

remembering 4/20

If you've heard my story then you know that today is significant. Part of my story involves my friend Susan and her birthday is today. When I was 11 years old one of my best friends was killed in a car accident, and when that happened something happened to me. I loved Jesus before Susie died, but I knew Him in a different way after Susie died. Susie taught me a lot in her life but she taught me more in her death, lessons I didn't want to learn yet, but valuable lessons nonetheless. Susie didn't always care what others thought of her, she danced to the beat of her own drum in a lot of ways. A funny memory I have of her is that she hated the word "clashed" and didn't like it if I told her something clashed (meaning the colors didn't match each other). She would say "Who cares?!" And really, who does care?! What a silly thing. She knew then what I didn't but what I do know now. She did "her" and looking back I admire that so much. We spent hours and hours playing while our moms spent hours and hours talking. I remember we'd be in the car in the parking lot and our moms would be inside Winchell's Donuts (they could see us out the windows) and they'd talk forever and we always wondered if they were ever coming out! I'm sad Susie and I don't get to be the ones now sitting in the donut shop with our girls waiting for us in the car, I bet we would've talked for hours and hours too. I remember when Susie died and I was left with the harsh reality that that too could be my story, and that just because I was left behind didn't mean that God wasn't good. I remember making the choice at a young age that I was going to follow Jesus even when life didn't make sense because life can change in an instant and I wanted to cling to the one that never changes, who stays the same yesterday, today and tomorrow -that meant something to me. If God was good and loved Susie before she died, then He was still good and would take care of her even better now that she was dead and was physically with Him -that made sense to me, I could wrap my mind around that. I learned so early in life how quickly things can change and how scary life can be, but I also learned to trust the one who has already gone before me and who knows what's around the bend when I can't see. If I'm doing the math right, Susie would have been 41 today, I hope she's eating cake in heaven and wearing clashing clothes just because. :) My friend Kristin lost her son to cancer on this day several years ago, so every 4/20 these 2 precious souls are on my heart and mind. What is life to one is death to another and that's just how the world works. I always take time to think about Susan and Isaiah today, not in sadness so much as in thankfulness for the lives well lived and the lessons they taught while they were physically here. God is good all the time, friends, and He never changes. xo

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